Lisa & Naomi Heller

Lisa Heller

Nick was a true friend. What I will say for myself will be brief, as I will be reading some words sent by Tom’s and my daughter Naomi, who knew Nick well when she was younger.

Nick became a special person for me, after my first meeting with him, nearly 30 years ago. He looked me in the eye, he asked questions for which he clearly expected an honest and thoughtful answer, he showed a kind of interest and empathy which is rare- it was impossible to ignore – he somehow got to the heart of things. He certainly got to the heart of me.

Here is what Naomi sent for you to hear:

Thank you for giving me this chance to talk about Nick. This is a great honour and privilege.

I knew Nick when I was a young person, and now I am nearly 40yrs old. Doesn’t that tell you everything you need to know? That I feel his loss keenly, that I want to tell you who he is to me, and I cannot even remember the last time we caught up with each other. Was it this decade?

As a young person, so very many people play a role in bringing you up. The people around you take on the formal or informal roles of caretaking, giving you skills, and imparting knowledge to help you understand the world around you. The adults in your life play various parts in how you form your own special self. It takes a village after all. And what I want to say today is that when I look back at the characters from my youth, Nick stands out like a supernova.

Nick was my theatre teacher. He was a great teacher in the most straightforward sense; teaching me things and making sure that I was better at the end than the beginning at whatever we were meant to be learning and developing. And of course, I think I learned the things I was being taught and that’s one way he could be remembered. But really, that bit was typical of a great teacher – and I am fortunate enough to be able to say I have had a few of them. The exceptional stuff came from just knowing him, being in his company and becoming his friend. I knew from when I first met him I didn’t just want to learn from him, I wanted to be more like him. Whenever I was around him, I knew I was in the company of someone special. I think a lot of us share that feeling.

I don’t know how Nick did what he did, but I often marvel at how he made me want to be better – while somehow making me feel as though I was already the best. Even though I was a keen student and wanted to learn what he wanted to teach, I also knew that I should stick around and pay close attention, and perhaps I would collect some of his traits like trinkets. He really did care.

Nick held a space without judgement for us to be flawed and impossible, and managed to make me feel like whoever I was, I wasn’t to be seen or defined as a future-adult. When I was around Nick I did not feel that just because I was young, I was a work-in-progress. Nick made it clear that I was already important and good. I try and incorporate this into my own work with young people, and this is my attitude with even the tiniest wee friends I make in my life.

So the bottom line is simple. Nick is part of who I am because of who he was. I feel as though his influence is written through me, and it has made me the person I am. The world is less good without Nick in it and I want to offer my deepest condolences and love to you all – his dear people, I am so, so sorry. But I do want to thank you for giving me the chance to tell you just how incredibly special he is to me, how lucky I am to have known him, and pay tribute to the fact that the ripples of his life and work are felt far and wide.

Thank you