Tom Nuttgens

Tom Nuttgens

Nicky (as he was known as a child), was the eldest of us nine children. He acted as a carer to his siblings (as happens in large families) from the time when he could spoon food into our mouths and he took the role very seriously. This created a strong bond especially with the younger siblings. Later when Nicky would come home from residential sixth form at Ratcliffe or Cambridge Uni the excitement was palpable. I have a clear memory of Nicky, giggling with a five year old Peg as he taught her some French that he learned whilst working in France the previous summer. Nicky loved to share his knowledge. As time went on, and we all grew to be adults, that relationship changed from one of carer to confidant and teacher; plus, we learned to call him his chosen name of Nick.

Nick as a young adult led the way for us siblings in how we could grow emotionally by taking our core values from our catholic upbringing of dignity, love, family and community and adding to that emotional learning, challenging society and acceptance of all. This led to, Nick’s understanding of those who were different from us, flowing down to his siblings.

Nick always sought to improve himself (a process he never stopped), and this meant that when others shared with him their emotional challenges this was not something to fear, but something to be understood and worked through together. Nick would also share his hopes and worries with us siblings, and it was an honour to support him.

Nick and I have lived near each other for more years than not. When I was a child in Clifford, then in London, and for the last 30 years in Sheffield. It was the latter aspect that allowed Nick to be part of my children’s upbringing. Whether it was popping in for a cuppa or family birthdays. That presence in my children’s life of support, love and interest wasn’t just for Jack & Kitty, it was for all his nieces and nephews, not forgetting Nicks god children and those who see Nick as an uncle like the Williams family. During this time in Sheffield, Nick found love and partnership with Jamie (some 17 years ago), which added Jamie’s amazing, and vibrant personality into the family.

How about the larger family, Mum (Biddy) is one of seven and Dad (Pat) was one of twelve, which is why Nick has 64 cousins; and Nick created friendships with all of them, as my cousin Catherine said to me the other day ‘ In a family where everyone talks, and no one listens - Nick did listen’.

This ability to listen and show respect is why Nick had so many friends and why so many people have contacted us since Nick’s death to say how important to them Nick was.

So, one last point about my brother. In his last week Nick asked Mum and all his siblings to visit him in hospital. Nick lay in his bed and had relevant, current and interesting conversations with each one of us about topics that interested both him and them. That was Nick learning, sharing and listening until the end.